Heaven to Earth

Take courage

It is but another valley of the shadow of death

What you feel and see is dark

But I am pure Light and Life

Walk on through this place

And know that you are not alone

My heart

 

You are beside yourself

And so am I

You are overwhelmed

I am over you, around you

You are surrounded by fear

I surround you

You fight for your life

I fight for you

You feel yourself fading

I never stop watching over you

You wish you were stronger

I know you are as strong as you can be

You are tempted to war against yourself

I am always for you

You want peace

I create peace

Your tears fall on desert ground

I am your true oasis

You may not hear me always

I always hear you

Your soul exists for love

I am Love divine for you

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Epitome

An invisible rainbow

Felt but not seen

Washed by rain

Pure and clean

 

A quiet bird song

Soaring softly

Shy but strong

Continuing courageously

 

The clouds at night

Gray and silent

Changing with wind out of sight

Intoxicated by forgotten sun

 

Enduring hillsides

Moving with the seasons

First green, then brown

From dust to ashes

 

I am creation

My heart and mind

In collision or harmony

Being created, I exist in kind

 

I fight, I love

I feel and also weep

I laugh, I thrive

My life – God’s to keep

 

Emotional Ears

Do you listen to emotion

Can you hear the sound of feeling

Do you hear what I say

Or do you hear what you want me to say

Do you see me as I am

Or do you see me as who you want me to be

Do you actually listen

Or do you just watch my mouth move

Do you actually see me

Or do you just hear the sound of my words

Do you see my silence as weakness

Do you see my few words as simpleness

Do you think I’m wrong

Because you don’t hear the words you think I should say

Above all, do you listen with gentleness

Do you hear with compassion

Do you feel with empathy

Please do

Broken Glass

If mine was a religion of guilt

I’m glad for the dark days that broke me away

 

If my God was boxed up in legalism

I’m thankful for the pain that tore me from that illusion

 

If the Christianity I knew was a life of fear

I’m grateful for the deep depression that proved that kind of existence was not livable

 

If the faith I held to was obscured by obligation

I’m content to have gone through the fire that burned it away so that faith could remain

 

If my belief system was cold, close-minded and unfeeling

I accept that the overwhelming numbness and intensity were well worth it to be rid of such things

 

If the way I experienced church was only in should’s, should not’s, ought’s and ought not’s

I see that the hurtful years shook me to my core so that I was finally able to see that God is love

 

If it was power, control and conformity that was “good”

Now I’m accepting the hundreds of days spent in doubt, questions and chaos that destroyed all that destruction in my life

 

If it was all self judgement and hate

I embrace the God who made and accepts me the way he created me

February, 2018

Last year in February, I looked back and wrote about the five previous February’s and milestones from those years. I also wrote about my word for the year 2017. You can find those links here:

https://victoryblue.wordpress.com/2017/02/16/february-the-last-five-years/

https://victoryblue.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/truly-listening/

This year, for February, I pause to look forward and write about a word for this current year, 2018.

 

Dream – the loaded word I have for this year, just showed up in my thoughts one day in January and stuck there. I never thought of myself as a dreamer. I don’t think I ever allowed myself to dream because I didn’t see much value in it. I was always very goal-oriented and would work very hard to accomplish those goals.

 

And then something happened: I didn’t accomplish some of my goals. In a strange way, that opened me up to possibilities beyond just my previous goals. If I couldn’t attain them all, why stay stuck in the rut of pursuing them? Why not allow myself to dream dreams that possibly wouldn’t happen but just allow myself to dream them anyway?

 

This year, the word dream means many things for me. It means being creative, trying new things, and working on new projects. It means meeting new people, going to new events, and checking out new environments. It means being a safe place for people that I never thought I’d be a safe place for. It means being confident that my desires, hopes, and callings are good when they are from God and blessed by Him.

 

To me, dream means letting myself out of my comfort zone sometimes. It means stretching myself and exploring new things that I’ve been scared of before. It means even trying things I think I’ll be bad at and yet trying them anyway. It means enjoying the life I have created because it is what I enjoy. It means finding myself.

 

Dream in 2018 means allowing myself to hope. It means being vulnerable and transparent even though it may be terrifying. It means looking back at how far I’ve come and expecting great things to come in the future. It means looking forward to making and having even better relationships, ones that are reciprocal, healthy, and beneficial. It means praying for things to happen, and when they don’t, realizing that I can’t control everything.

 

What does dream mean to you? What’s your word for the year, if you have one? If not, what’s your new year’s resolution(s)? Or what do you hope for in 2018?

Encompass, Envelope

Written on 2/14/18

 

Look at yourself and see all this beauty

You are perfect

Fill up your place

Take up your moment

In all of who you are

You belong here

Your presence is deserving

You are worthy of home

Your life, being, existence

Are so pure in life

Light it up

Let your heart beat loudly

For all to hear

You should never be silenced

I want to hear every word

I want to tell you how valuable you are

How you are a treasure needing to be seen

Don’t let them miss you

Show them your blazing eyes

Bare your bruises and bear your scars with pride

Hard-won battles of victory

I need you to be only you

I want you to know your preciousness

Don’t be ashamed of your glorious self

The very image of God divine finds rest in you

 

I would hold you

I wish I could watch myself back then

See where I was when it was bad

I wish I could be there for me

Feel what I felt and hold me tightly

 

I wish I could see what I looked like

Think my thoughts with me

I wish I could cry for me

And breathe my breath together

 

I wish I could adequately document

The miracle you made

The change I gradually lived

All I’ve done and become

 

Eventually you allowed the rain to fall

Crushing down burdens of shame

Dispelling fear and anguish

And finally creating days of healing

 

I wish I could see how far I’ve come

Count the moments and hours of time

I wish I could have been with me

In the pit where I was trapped so long

 

I was stuck there so far away and lonely

I had no idea why or how I got there

But now I can tell myself it was not your fault

You hardly did anything at all to get there

 

I wish I could see my body then

To mourn and weep with myself

I wish I could hear my lungs and heartbeat

Experience my every silent gasp

 

I wish I could remember my existence

The daily reality of being stifled

I wish I could be in the same room

To keep myself company

 

I wish I could tell myself it was ok

Even though it hurt so much

I wish I could just sit with me

On what would be such a long road

 

I wish I could tell myself

One day it would be over

All the excruciating suffering

Would end after a very long time

 

I wish I could say

Someday it will be better for you

Maybe no one will notice

But I will

 

Someday you would feel better

Different, alive, whole

Maybe no one will even realize

But I would

 

I would tell me that I saw every second

Every time you sat alone in pain

All the overwhelmingness we fought

I knew and felt and lived it with you

 

What you lived was never wasted

That time was not wasted

You are not a waste

You never were

Look at who you’ve become