This year, I’ve come to know more of what I don’t know. And I am more comfortable with the unknown even though at times I am terrified by it. Maybe this is what makes me wiser. I am in the last year of my 20’s and I’m determined to always learn, grow and change, no matter what my age. I will never stop reaching.
This year I have done a lot of things I never dreamed of doing before. I have challenged myself. I have gotten out of my comfort zone. I have tried new things. I have spent time alone and with other people processing, thinking and maturing. I hopefully never give up these habits. I hope my future years will carry on the same patterns, yet perhaps in different ways.
However, I would hate to come across as bragging. But I will no longer put myself down in the name of perceived religious humility. In any case, with God enabling me to live every day this year, I was able to breathe in and out, move my body and reason with my mind. And use my days to accomplish things that I believe are good and filled with love, which is always how I aspire to live. While many of my dreams may not have been accomplished yet, I still did many of the things I set out to do from my post written February. https://victoryblue.wordpress.com/2018/02/20/february-2018/
In 2018, I lived. I wrote poetry and articles. I struggled with a lot of anxiety and worked through it. I attended social gatherings and went on dates. I met new people and made new friends. I drove hundreds of miles for work and each day I was grateful for having been spared injury or death on the road. I laughed and I cried. I sought to follow God. I found God both in and out of churches. I’ve wrestled with the tragedies of the Borderline shooting and California fires. I have heard of the abuse of so many I know and love and grieved. I’ve had hard conversations where I spoke up and listened. I voted in the midterm election. I got a gym membership. I started a new job. I had fun. I was my sister’s maid of honor.
I also struggled to make ends meet. I had to cancel my birthday party because I was sick for over a month. I played many performances in beautiful and exciting venues I’ve never played at before. I’ve read books and blogs and articles and educated myself on topics that are important to me. I started many new forms of self-care and have seen the positive impact. I started a new YouTube channel. I wrote my family’s Christmas letter. I have been present as a daughter, sister, friend, teacher and colleague.
I may write another blog post about the new year at some point. But for now, I wanted to look back and remember. I wanted to affirm what I have done and been through and experienced these past twelve months. And to know that I am enough no matter what I did or did not do.