Abba

I want to hear this

And believe it

I am seen

And I am loved

Take it in

Like breath

Abba sees you

And He loves you

Abba knows me

He likes me, wants to be with me

He made me fearfully wonderful

He whispers that He is here

With me

I am not alone

Abba accepts me

All of me

He can hear every sigh

He holds me close

He sees my battle wounds

He sees how I am hurt by others

How I hurt myself

And He cries over me

Abba feels what I feel

He knows my pain

And He loves me exactly infinity

He is near

He can hear my heart beating

Tired and weary, weak and small

And He surrounds me with arms of strength

Abba is for me

He can see all the wrong I’ve done

And He doesn’t call me wrong

He calls me His child

He can see all the things I self-judge

And He has only grace for me

Abba sees my tears

And He covers me with compassion

Abba sees all my ugly scars

And the ones I’ve made on others

But He never pushes me away

He always draws me in

He sees how I struggle

And calls me beautiful

I am His own

Abba is my Healer

I am completely whole

Because He is

My Abba

Now

I’m utterly tired

For not being seen

For trying to be heard

For others not waiting

For me to say

Who I am

 

I’m so exhausted

From trying to talk

From listening so much

From hearing the loudness

From my words stopping

Before speaking

 

So now

I’m done performing

I stopped perfection

I’ve finished pretending

There’s nothing more

Except me, this way

The way I am

This is what you get

And you’re missing it

I won’t force myself into your life

I’m not going to beg to be noticed by you

I won’t plead with you to see me

I’m not fitting myself into your box

Don’t expect me to

Don’t try to make me the way you want

This is me and I’m not changing for you

Anymore

So take it or leave it

I know who I am­

Do you?

Halfway

Each day I’m so tired for listening

Because there’s so much I wish I could say

But feel like I can’t

Or feel like I don’t

I have a story

That I want to tell

And a story I want to live

When will it be my now

To speak out

And live the story

That I know is mine

My testimony is so precious

And my destiny is so far away

That I am in the middle

With words stuck in my mouth

And passion stopped before action

I feel they consume me inside

The ground I tread

This in between

Is where I try, strive

Long for

Saying my words

That push me on

And taking my steps

That drive me forward

One by one

I am and I will

Just watch me

Enough

If life is precious, then why isn’t just living enough?

Why isn’t rest accomplishing much?

Why isn’t quiet a triumph?

Why does life have to be worth something more?

Isn’t peaceful calm priceless?

Why does it have to be about:

Being more,

Trying harder,

Doing better?

If life is a victory, then why does it have to be about more:

Success,

Status,

Standardization?

If my life is a gift, then my life should not be measured or weighed.

I’m alive and that is a wonder to me.

Living life is just breathing

In and out

And that is

Valuable life

Words.

I do not speak to be solely understood.

I speak to declare my voice.

And if it’s not understood,

Or if it’s misunderstood,

Or disagreed with,

It’s not that I’m wrong.

I have still spoken

Who I am

And what I believe.